October 22, 2011

Wine bags I made yesterday.

When I was a junior in high school, my brother left for college and Daddy seemed to travel more than usual for work.  I often wonder if Mother was lonely, bored, or if she was afraid to sleep at night without my father in the house. She would watch television until it went off the air at midnight (remember those days?) and then she would start sewing or baking or spring cleaning. She would stay awake all night and when I left for school the next morning, she would turn the television on and fall asleep on the couch. I remember waking up for school with a new dress to wear (no pants and especially no jeans allowed at school for girls in those days). I really enjoyed the mornings when I woke up to the smell of fresh pastries that she had baked during the night while listening to the records on the stereo (remember those?).

Mother sewing and baking are good memories of how she tried to demonstrate her love for me. As an adult I realize that she did the best she could as a mother with the skills she had. She never received love from her own mother, and didn't know how to develop that ability on her own. But as my brother said at Mother's funeral, she was an incredible house manager. I could have eaten those pastries off the floor! Managing the house was the skill Mother honed when she was growing up, but she never learned – and consequently never knew – how to be a touchy, feely, "I love you" kind of mother. I, on the other hand, stink as a house manager, but hope I am a touchy, feely, caring kind of mother, wife, and friend.

Today I'm creating pillows. I made numerous wine bags yesterday and plan to make more out of holiday fabrics. Fun and quick to make! What do you think?